Welcome to the latest in an occasional series of current records that don’t stand a cat’s chance in hell of making our year-end chart. The delightful Katy Perry is of course top of the hit parade as we speak, and whipping up a storm of controversy among devastatingly small-minded people who have little else to do with their time than be offended by oo-er inconsequence.

That controversy in full: Ms Perry is not only admitting she kissed someone of the same gender, she also claims to have “liked it”; furthermore, it transpires she has a boyfriend, and her tone on hoping said boyfriend “don’t mind it” suggests that she couldn’t really give a monkey’s and even thinks he might be rather pleased. Those are the bones of what’s shocking the Daily Mail contingent, but I’m just scratching the surface here. There are earnest chaps across the internet getting in a tizz about Katy “day-tripping” in lesbianism, undermining her sisters and simply shooting for titillation. Here’s the news: THAT’S WHAT SHE’S DOING. It’s crass, silly, ill-judged fun. It’s a lyrical conceit the Scissor Sisters would reject for being “a bit obvious”.

Quite apart from all that, when the song turns around in my head, it goes “I kissed a girl, I liked it/Men’s shirts, short skirts – forget I’m a lady”. Yep, it becomes Shania Twain’s ‘Man! I Feel Like A Woman!’ and maybe that’s the point. Maybe it’s subliminal. Katy Perry has outed Shania Twain.

The arrangement is a bit Pink; aggressively-tooled rock-pop that seems too dated to hit the top in 2008, but you can never underestimate a touch of scandal-lite from a pretty girl. Junior, from the Class of 2005, is indifferent. She points out that Junior 2 is dancing, however, if flapping your arms around counts as dancing. It seemed to for Mel C, flailing away on the telly in the corner.