music

[8] Girls Aloud, ‘Long Hot Summer’

They have power, astonishing power no doubt, but not even Girls Aloud can change the season. Junior and I ignore the Christmas tree for three or four minutes and put some effort into imagining it’s a July morning and we’re shaking like cool lemonades. She gets better results than me, because she’s not sitting there tackling the existential question of how on earth one can shake like a cool lemonade. Is it the bubbles? Or is it the movement of the liquid when the ice cubes are dropped in? Perhaps the lemonade shakes because Nadine, Kimberley et al are holding it while they sashay around the CD:UK stage? Like “I was 21 years when I wrote this song, I’m 22 now but I won’t be for long”, this latter theory would beg the question of how the performance came before the lyric.

We’re getting bogged down. Junior likes the song, and how could she not? It has at least two different bridges, a half-rapped middle eight and an unexpected ad lib at the end instead of a thoughtless repeat of the chorus. And it has “ba ba ba”s, making it a contender for First Song That Junior Will Actually Sing Along With.

It has competition from ‘Hey Jude’, ‘Telegram Sam’ and the Pearl & Dean theme.

[9] Madonna, ‘Hung Up’

Her mum has played this many times, so Junior knows what to expect and she’s not precious about her ABBA samples. It has that gimmick where they fade out the treble and bring it back again, as if you’re leaving the party and coming back, and I can’t remember what the effect’s called. Daft Punk like it, and Kylie did it too because Daft Punk like it. It also has a ticking clock, like Gwen Stefani’s “tick tock”s and Kylie’s tick-tocking to ‘Can’t Get You Out Of My Head’. Madonna is a magpie. No revelation there. 

Still, it’s a satisfying melting pot. 

Father and daughter exchange grimaces as we recall the contortionist leotard poses thrown in the video. Yes, yes, she looks good for 47 but, well, no. Considering her advanced years, though, the music’s more vital than much of the limp fare put out by pop stars half, maybe a third of her age. Mentioning no names. At this rate, they’ll get an advert at the head of the page. 

So, ‘Hung Up’. It’s an object lesson in turn-of-the-millennium disco pop house chicanery, that’ll do for Junior until Daft Punk is playing at her house.

The Ronettes, ‘Frosty The Snowman’

Listening to yesterday’s Christmas song, I was reminded of a truly insignificant record-buying moment in my youth. 20 years ago, when the death knell for vinyl first rang out, WH Smith still displayed the entire Top 40 singles in four rows of 10 7” singles. It was a wonder. I used to pop in before school on a Monday morning to pick up a latest release or two from the racks below and to perhaps choose a favourite I’d heard on the chart rundown the night before. 

This time, I was after Art of Noise’s ‘Close (To The Edit)’ in its shiny white sleeve. I spotted it, must have turned away, turned back again and grabbed it from the shelf, paid and went on my way to assembly. At break I pulled it out of the bag to admire it. There, in a shiny white sleeve, was Kirsty MacColl’s ‘A New England’. My classmate thought she looked “fit”, but I wasn’t happy and exchanged it at lunch. These days, I’m not sure which record I like more. 

When Junior’s downloading mp3s to the chip in her right earlobe, these errors will be a thing of the past. Nah, computers stuff up everything. Anyway, I digress.

The Wall of Sound, replete with jingle bells and sparkle, brings the hugest grin to Junior’s face. It’s a song which has all the magic of Christmas with its enchanted snowmen and gambolling in the white streets and gardens, but it also expresses the melancholy when it’s all over. The snow will melt and we’ll go back to school – never fear, though, because Frosty will be back next year. 

It’ll be a few more winters before Junior gets excited about this sort of thing. Being a big kid, I’ll just have to do it for her.

The Pogues with Kirsty MacColl, ‘Fairytale Of New York’

“You scumbag, you maggot, you cheap lousy faggot..”. Not an obvious nursery rhyme for Junior, and not exactly a “children playing, having fun” chestnuts on the fire festive heartwarmer. But we all enjoy bitterness and recrimination at this time of year and if it’s accompanied by tin whistles, all the better. The intro brings more squeals of delight from the play-mat, however, and the best attempts yet at rolling over from back to front follow. 

This single is enjoying a re-release this year, on the fifth anniversary of Kirsty MacColl’s death, and proceeds are going to a charity appealing for an investigation into the accident. It’s a sad record in many ways, then, but still a triumph.

The bells are ringing out too, from the little Piglet ball as it’s kicked in time.

[10] Franz Ferdinand, ‘Do You Want To’

A riff ripped off Go West’s ‘We Close Are Whys’*, doo-doos that could grace ‘Hungry Like The Wolf’, those knowing lyrics that the Ferdinand do so well (and so often), it’s an infectious stomp through the chart bluebells. As it stutters to a finish we even get a “whoop” from Junior, solid proof that we’re in heavyweight country now. She’d spent most of the record trying to eat her toes. We know Franz Ferdinand want to make “music for girls to dance to”, so if balance and leg strength are going to prevent Junior from getting up and strutting her stuff she doesn’t even want those feet.

As the needle runs off the vinyl, there’s time to ponder the Dennis the Menace jumpers. We can understand the boys all wearing them in the video, but what about those publicity shots where only the singer and drummer are sporting them? So, they liked them so much that they kept them, but couldn’t they have phoned each other before they went out adorned in the same clothes? So embarrassing. Being a girl, Junior has an eye for this.
*There’s no persuasive reason why we shouldn’t mock Peter Cox. I haven’t even mentioned that tour he did “versus” Tony Hadley a year or two back.

[11] The Futureheads, ‘Hounds Of Love’

There’s been room for a lot of Kate Bush in Ciara’s year. The album’s probably top of the pile, and a cute cover of her ‘Hounds Of Love’ is kicking at the door of the top ten singles. The “oh ah oh”s are talking Junior’s language too, and the legs are whirling again. She either had a particularly good night’s sleep or guitar bands are turning out to be her bag. If it’s the latter, the next 10 will be rich with disappointment. Apart from No.10. Ooh, the anticipation.

[12] Hal, ‘Play The Hits’

That’s what we’re doing, Hal people. Although I don’t think this was a hit, so it’s an early lesson in irony for Junior. It’s a hit in our living room, mind you, fuelling vigorous leg-kicks and arm-waves. And that’s not just Junior’s mum. It’s one of those West Coast sun-kissed 70s-style pop beauties that no one makes anymore, except for everyone from Josh Rouse to Teenage Fanclub via the Magic Numbers. And it’s pretty special.

[13] Gwen Stefani, ‘Cool’

Gwen’s hit us with annoying yet catchy singles all year, but this is the sweetest, the most sedate. It’s that age-old tale- boy and girl split up, boy meets other girl, boy and girl don’t have a problem with each other as long as neither has too much to drink one night, maybe. All set to an arrangement that would slip seamlessly onto the soundtrack of St Elmo’s Fire or The Breakfast Club. There’s a wistful look in Junior’s eyes, but it only says that breakfast is overdue.

[14] Will Young, ‘Switch It On’

Junior fixes Young with a Paddington Bear stare, “Whatchu talking about, Willis?”. I’m not sure he knows himself. It could be a bit rude, it could be a confessional about the rigours of fame, it could be an excuse to dress up like Maverick and make eyes at Goose. What we do know is it’s a cracking little blast of a record. Junior thinks it’s dangerously Bo Diddley, but Will’s such a pleasant young man that she’ll let it pass.

[15] Charlotte Church, ‘Crazy Chick’

This was never cool, has lyrics that Junior herself could’ve had a stab at and sounds like plenty of other songs, but La Church will not be denied. She brings her own brand of sass to the rundown and, let’s be honest, it’s a bit of a belter. Sounds best with a Marlboro Light in one hand and a Cheeky Vimto in the other, but Junior’s not 12 yet.