Speaking – a bit – of Talking Heads, here’s LA’s De Lux being all David Byrne and itchy disco. Junior reckons it’s a “bit annoying when he says ‘oh man the future’ again and again… It seems to go on forever. He’s a chatterbox.”
Sean Guerin does rabbit on, shoehorning as many words as possible into each ranting verse, but then he’s got a lot to tell us. The future’s a big place and plenty of stuff is going to happen. Oh man. It’s happening now.
“The intro’s cool.”
“It’s upbeat.”
The NME should revive their singles column, shouldn’t they?
Anyway, here’s the least successful pop sensation of the year, an artist stymied by her record label’s extraordinary, foot-shooting release policy. It’s a moot point whether Carly Rae Jepsen would have done better over here if her album hadn’t already been out across the world six months earlier, but it couldn’t have done any harm. ‘Run Away With Me’ has 1989 confidence and appeal, and all for nothing.
Love Ssega wins the battle of the former Clean Bandit vocalists with this chunk of new-wave dance, a bit Talking Heads, a bit LCD Soundsystem who are a bit Talking Heads. It’s a good song that feels a little underwhelming here, and Junior likes it at first but then says, “It gets boring.” Pop careers flash by in a moment these days, don’t they?
Give or take a week, Jess Glynne was No.1 in the charts all year, which is quite a feat for one of the blandest pop stars in recent memory. ‘Hold My Hand’ is pick of the bunch for its joie de vivre and that bit where Jess’s voice goes way too high at the start of the final chorus. These are the tiny margins that make a smash.
Junior lights up. “Does this mean the others are going to be really great?” The jury’s out.
In good news for The Go! Team, Junior thinks this should be 19 and Waxahatchee should be 20. In faint praise news for Gardens & Villa, she likes the end of this song, but she does manage a grin at the solo.
And in not sure if it’s good or bad news, she also reckons this is “a bit Beach Boys?” Hands up, that’s obviously why I like it. It’s also why I like Fixers, Miracle Fortress, Panda Bear, ad infinitum through the harmony glass.
“She’s got a weird name,” is the verdict. Plus, “No offence to her but it’s a bit dreamy.”
I doubt Katie Crutchfield would take offence. I think that’s where she was going with her Casio bop and shed-made synth pop.
We’ve been doing this for 10 years now – Junior was 20 weeks old; I was, well, a younger man. It used to be a daily thing but now it’s pretty much annual, what with the demands of homework and CBBC.
She’s busy too.
The Go! Team were actually in our very first year-end top 20 and this is their first return since, so is it time to call it a day, all wrapped in a neat bow? Let’s see how we go.
In 2015, The Go! Team are just Ian Parton and guests. Frankly that’s all anyone thought they were in the first place and the good thing is they’ve lost none of that old runaway-motorbike exuberance. Can’t say that for all of us. “It’s got a nice melody,” says Junior, in an exuberance-free monotone. That’s how we’re going.
THE CHALLENGE
Get my daughters to review Popjustice‘s Twenty Quid Music Prize shortlist for the best British single of the last 12 months (actual judging this Friday, 20 November).
THE PANEL
Junior (aged 10, the original Jukebox Junior from back when she was 20 weeks old in November 2005. Jesus, this blog will be 10 years old soon)
Junior 2 (aged 7)
Junior 3 (aged 5)
THE SONGS
Little Mix, ‘Black Magic’
Cyndi Laupish
Junior 3: “It’s ‘Black Magic’.”
Junior 2 is hey-ing.
Junior 3: “We all like ‘Black Magic’.”
Junior: “I like the video.”
Foxes, ‘Body Talk’
Fluid electro-pop from the Doctor Who chanteuse who isn’t Kylie
Junior 3: “I didn’t like it.”
Junior: “I like Little Mix more.”
Jess Glynne, ‘Don’t Be So Hard On Yourself’
If it’s 2015, Jess is statistically likely to be this week’s No.1
Junior: “Is this Jess Glynne?”
Junior 3 is more fascinated by the Dartford Tunnel.
Junior 2: “This is better than ‘Hold My Hand’.”
Marina & The Diamonds, ‘I’m A Ruin’
Neither Catherine Zeta Jones nor Shakira gets vulnerable
Junior 2: “It’s very calm, very soft. It’s smooth, with quite low notes.”
Junior: “I don’t like it as much as ‘Body Talk’.”
Junior 3: “I don’t really like it.”
Junior 2: “I think when she was singing she was quite lonely.”
Blonde featuring Melissa Steel, ‘I Loved You’
A livin’ joy from start to finish
They all know it. Their mum is singing along to it.
Junior: “It’s lively.”
Junior 3: “I kind of like it.”
Junior 2: “It’s very jumpy.”
Their mum: “It’ll be on the next Charlotte Crosby fitness DVD.”
Years & Years, ‘King’
Panpipes are the Sound of 2015
Junior 3: “I really really like it.”
Junior 2: “It’s very fast and it has a nice tune.”
Junior: “Some bits I like, some are a bit annoying and repetitive.”
Becky Hill, ‘Losing’
Team Jessie
Junior 2: “It’s a good song.”
Junior 3 is giving it a wavy hand.
Junior: “It sounds a bit droopy.”
Ellie Goulding, ‘Love Me Like You Do’
Filth soundtrack
It’s Ellie Goulding.
All: “Yay!”
Junior 3: “Is it ‘Love Me Like You Do’?”
Junior is doing an exaggerated power-ballad sway.
Junior 2 is closing her eyes and singing along.
Junior 3: “Daddy, I like it.”
Junior 2: “It’s a very happy song, very enjoyable.” She sounds sarcastic.
Junior: “I really like it.”
Their mum: “For me, it’s got that movie all over it. It’s a really crappy sequence.”
Olly Murs, ‘Seasons’
Thinly disguised cod reggae from the scourge of Monica Michael
Junior: “He’s the one that presents X Factor.”
Junior 2 looks puzzled.
Junior 3 gives it two thumbs up.
Junior: “It’s very jolly.”
Where’s Caroline Flack though?
Junior: “She’s a TV presenter.”
Nero, ‘The Thrill’
Rave-horn stadium dubstep from surprisingly durable Roman Emperor
Junior 2: “This is very jumpy.”
Junior: “It sounds very rockish.”
Double thumbs up from Junior 3.
Junior 3: “Actually, I think it’s rubbish.”
Junior: “There’s too much effort and noise. It’s horrible and full.”
KDA featuring Tinie Tempah & Katy B, ‘Turn The Music Louder (Rumble)’
Irresistible old skool-ish house delays Tinie’s third album even further
Junior: “Oh, I like this one.”
Junior 3 is giving wavy thumbs.
Junior 2: “It’s fun and happy.”
Mark Ronson featuring Bruno Mars, ‘Uptown Funk’
Oops upside your he-llo how’s everybody doing?
There is general cheering.
Junior 2 is rapping.
Everyone is too hot.
Junior: “Uptown Funk you up as cool as possible.”
Junior 2: “Amazing, fantastic.”
Junior: “Yeah.”
THE VERDICT
Favourites:
A unanimous shout for ‘Uptown Funk’.
Flops:
An equally unanimous diss for “that rocky one”. They mean Nero. Sorry, Nero.
Now it’s 2015, we can truly appreciate how this was the single of 2014. That’s my justification for the delay. It has nothing to do with the fact I fancied a pale ale on the 24th and everything went to the dogs.
It’s a bit dreary putting this here – what with NME, Guardian, everyone else doing the same – and indeed when I submitted my list to NME in, what, August or something, I had it at 2 and Miracle Fortress at 1, but… wait for it… SEASONS CHANGE. This cuts to the heart like a particularly ferocious chest-beat on the Letterman show.
My wife would tell me my preference is all about the synths sounding a bit 80s, and she’s got a point, that’s my Kryptonite. But it’s also the sadness and acceptance wrapped into a couple of warming hooks, and the little crack in Samuel T Herring’s voice that’s so much better than a pantomime roar. I do have reservations – and maybe it’s a sign of a non-vintage year that I’ve got a slight nag about the supposed best single. It’s that chorus. Too muddy, too Killers. The rest of the song props it up.
So do we have consensus?
Junior 3 immediately says, “Good!”
Junior: “It’s calm, it’s nice, I like it.”
Junior 2 knows the words because she has absorbed all of pop music.
My notes say Junior 3 is now making my hair “look cool”.
The last word, once more, to Junior: “I want No.2 to be No.1.”
I’ve loved Taylor Swift since I was twice her age. I know the narrative – fuelled by her, essentially – was that this was where she finally went ‘pop’, but if ‘Love Story’ wasn’t ‘pop’ then I’m feeling 22. Obviously I got caught up in the whole Taylor-goes-pop frenzy because, well, I have editors, but the only material difference is the heavier emphasis on synths. The rest is familiar, all hooks, love, no love, lost love, anticipation, regret, proper choruses and a singer who understands how to get it all across, emotionally and pragmatically.
‘Shake It Off’ is silly. Not too silly to be dissected lyrically, but that’s just a projected persona, isn’t it? I can’t imagine she’s really worried about haters or what they say. Its strength is in its hectic joy, the wail into the final chorus, the horns on the second, its immediacy – I watched the video that night and never again, but it and the song were glued down from that moment. It’s usually in my head but I still play it again.
Inevitably, it’s huge around here and they’re beaming from the first ‘Hey Mickey’ beats. “I love it,” says Junior 3. “I said I love it straightaway.” She did. Junior loves it too and does the whole “THIS. SICK. BEAT.” thing because, like Taylor, she’s well hip-hop. Junior 2 goes for deeper analysis: “I love the voices. It has a lot of expression.” It’s about time this family had a proper music critic.
Jukebox Junior 