1991

[8] Jesus Loves You, ‘Bow Down Mister’

Jesus Loves You

Part of Boy George’s 12-step programme, no doubt: “Create devotional dance group, throw in Hari Krishna references willy-nilly, rope Asha Bhosle in for authenticity – hey presto, you’re clean! At least for a bit.”

A ludicrous record, obviously, but so full of mad ideas and uplifting chords that you have to cherish it. I’d say the Jesus Loves You stuff was the big man’s most consistent work, and the More Protein label produced lots more good things besides. ‘Bow Down Mister’ is a ‘My Sweet Lord’ for the 90s, and God knows we all needed that, heathens that we were.

Forget raised temperatures, Junior’s hands are raised to the Lord. The rest of the time she peers around the laptop screen to smile at her dad, who’s grateful for the chance to bunk work. Sorry, work from home.

[All my vinyl rips seem to have corrupted; Top 11 mp3s to follow… later]

[9] Naughty By Nature, ‘O.P.P.’

Naughty By Nature

I would’ve covered Junior’s ears against this immoral record, if she hadn’t been so hell-bent to the exclusion of everything else on putting away an entire Weetabix. Hard as nails, she is.

‘O.P.P.’, ‘Other People’s P—-‘. ‘Property’, shall we say, or male/female variants thereof. Anyway, it’s a paean to the joys of infidelity, but it’s a warning too. Understand what you’re getting into, O.P.P. fans.

What it is is a tighter, catchier take on your Fresh Prince will-this-do?-a-thons, chivvied along by a bit of ‘ABC’ while we’re on the three-letter tip, and a good-humoured shoutalong to boot. Quite high up this chart in retrospect, particularly in light of the solid gold stuff to come, yet great larks.

[All my vinyl rips seem to have corrupted; Top 11 mp3s to follow… later]

[10] Bassheads, ‘Is There Anybody Out There?’

Bassheads

Sued to within an inch of their livelihoods by an intriguing combination of Afrika Bambaataa, Talking Heads and the Osmonds, Bassheads didn’t do anything remotely diverting after this track. In fact, the last three minutes are a steep drop from the wild euphoria of the previous six; the music grinds to a plinky-plonky crawl, sounding oddly like Sting dreaming of blue turtles.

The first six minutes are just right. Bassline building to guitars to sci-fi lasers to Italo house piano to that Bambaataa rap to distorted guitars to piano laser meltdown. We had our hands in the air at The Tube. Junior’s hands were just in front of her, doing the clapping that looks like she’s making her hands spit-spot, Mary Poppins style.

She tired of the coda even more quickly than I do, demanding breakfast at the first sniff of ambient noodling.

[All my vinyl rips seem to have corrupted; Top 11 mp3s to follow… later]

[11] World Of Twist, ‘Sons Of The Stage’

World Of Twist

World Of Twist were the choice of the cognoscenti during the 90/91 Association Psychedelic Dance-Pop season. A bit of 60s beat group, mixed with Northern Soul and Roxy Music and all manner of swirly things, they were just what the country needed as the Madchester scene began to pall. Of course, the country never realised this.

‘Sons Of The Stage’ was the second single, after 1990’s highly-touted ‘The Storm’. It doesn’t really date, with influences covering 30 years of pop, and still has me bouncing. Junior too. She’d have loved to have seen them live, the stage adorned with bacofoil and various shiny objects, a spinning wheel with a suitable legend daubed upon it and the lightshow a riot of kaleidoscopic colour. It looked really cheap.

As a group of lads near me regaled the singer Tony Ogden with a lusty chorus of “Ogden is a wanker”, I knew they’d made it. For a night, at least.

[All my vinyl rips seem to have corrupted; Top 11 mp3s to follow… later]

[12] Electronic, ‘Get The Message’

Electronic

Everyone liked this at the time. It’s a pleasant little ditty with rolling guitar loops and join-the-dots karaoke lyrics in true Barney Sumner-style, and it’s never going to polarise opinion. Junior and I let it wash over us, as she sat and smiled on the sofa and I took a couple of photos of her in her Fat Willy’s t-shirt. Just to prove to Aunt Aggie that she’s worn it.

Electronic were less than the sum of their parts, or maybe just dead-on. With Sumner, Johnny Marr and the occasional Neil Tennant, they were the cream of the discerning man’s 80s pop but the album was just, well, nice. We were missing the menacing Hooky basslines, Morrissey’s acerbicisms (actually anything other than facile lyrics) and Lowe’s sonic adventure. A supergroup missing the point, maybe.

The clattering drum rolls sound like tin cans being dragged up onto the curb. I like that.

[13] M People, ‘How Can I Love You More?’

How Can I Love You More

No, wait, don’t go. Obviously, M People committed legion aural crimes with 99% of their output. Even long after their split, we’re force-fed an annual re-release of Heather Small’s gut-clearing, pious, schoolma’amish ‘Proud’ dirge. Well, Heather, I’ve sat on my arse at work all day, surfing the internet and slagging off my colleagues. Nothing to be proud of, but what’s it to you?

They made one good single – and I don’t care who knows it – with a restrained vocal performance from Small, before she rammed her histrionics down our throats, before we’d had a chance to wonder at the pineapple on her bonce. It sounds like a New York Garage track, quite different to the wailing dross that followed and the clumsy hit remix of this track itself a few years later.

Junior spends the five minutes laughing at me, of course.

[14] PM Dawn, ‘A Watcher’s Point Of View (Don’t Cha Think)’

PM Dawn

In the pub last night, I launched a robust Hoegaarden-driven defence of PM Dawn’s ‘Set Adrift On Memory Bliss’, thinking it was coming up next and determined to hold my ground. Now I see I got the wrong song, I withdraw my comments. This was always much better. Junior thought it was ace, running through her full repertoire of shakes, rocks and bounces.

De La Soul crossed with The Beach Boys, that’s what they said, near enough. Prince Be was the hip hop Brian Wilson. He certainly carried the ballast.

Pretty, harmony-drenched raps, wordy titles and flaky lyrics only sustained them so long. We didn’t hear much from them after ’91, although I understand that they recently won some American, dignity-shedding revival contest. Maybe there’ll be a new PM Dawn dawn.

[15] Curve, ‘Frozen’ EP

Curve

How we once swooned over dance-goth chick Toni Halliday, so beautiful in that searing white light that would wipe out the imperfections on Jimmy Nail’s face.

We played lead track ‘Coast Is Clear’, a poppy My Bloody Valentine-lite racket with the catchy ‘Now I’m sick, and always will be’ line. I felt like that on Saturday. The ‘Blindfold’ EP’s ‘Ten Little Girls’ was the better song, but this was the better EP. They loved their EPs. They did about nine of them, quality tailing off sharply after the third. The final hurrah must’ve been coruscating.

Junior gazed at her shoes.

[16] Pet Shop Boys, ‘Where The Streets Have No Name (Can’t Take My Eyes Off You)’

Pet Shop Boys

I used to put this on the jukebox in the hall bar at university, just to antagonise the rockists. The Jimi Hendrix lookalike and his Led Zep pals would become particularly vexed, often because it tended to interrupt their ‘American Pie’ loop.

This record’s a thumb of the nose – it couldn’t be anything else with the merging of the Andy Williams camp classic – but there’s affection too. The Pet Shop Boys’ aural soundscapes (wow) are wide enough to do justice to the sweep of the song, and it’s all big and dramatic like Bono thinks he is. I’m sure they’re not JUST taking the piss. Ok, I’m not sure. It’s great, though; I hadn’t heard it for years until this morning, and I still love it.

I’ve banged on about this before, but it’s interesting (well, sorta) that the PSBs and Prince should own the ’80s but then lose the plot at about the same time as each other. Can’t think of any proper good PSBs singles after this – honourable mention, however, to the bit where it goes mad at the end of ‘Go West’.

Junior was rather smitten with this, the Hi-NRG beats bringing forth the cockateel moves. I’ve really brainwashed the poor kid. She’ll be writing her own version of ‘Being Boring’ in about 30 years:

“I came across a cache of digital photos,
And countless blog entries from my dull old father;
He played me records and voiced my opinions,
And Girls Aloud got him all in a lather,
In my 20-noughties…”

[17] Prince & The New Power Generation, ‘Gett Off’

Prince & The New Power Generation

My daughter appeared to be performing the funky chicken to this one, helpless in the face of the snaky, strutting Minneapolitan grooves spun by the indigo imp of funk. That’s right, the indigo imp of funk.

Wringing out the last of Prince’s creative juice here, saving just a smidgen for ‘Sexy MF’. It’s a treat to hear him being all naughty again, the horny pony, and it’s a damn sight more enjoyable than the rest of the Diamonds & Pearls album.

Junior’s heard a lot of Prince, songs and allusions. I reckon he can only be topped as the main act here if the next song has anything to do with U2…