[2] Cornershop, ‘Brimful Of Asha’

Not the crazee Norman Cook remix and its forced jollity and helium vocals. This is the real deal, one of the cutest 45s in years. No other record has so successfully married a tribute to Asha Bhosle and a paean to the 7” single. God knows many have tried.

Junior takes the opportunity, as Marc Bolan – an obvious Cornershop influence – once sang, to “ride a green, blue and red snail like the people of the Beltane”. It’s a rocking horse, in the form of a snail. You know the sort of thing. Before saddling up, she was boogieing along and wondering if this really could be the same band that got caught up in all that Riot Grrl nonsense. Damn the NME. They know how to brand a band.

I was surprised to clock that this is five minutes long. It’s so concise and trim, with just enough embellishment in the strings and handclaps, that you think it’s the classic three-minute pop song. Tjinder Singh also ticks another of my favourite boxes by trying the ‘Young Americans’ trick of fitting too many words in each line. He succeeds where many a Manic Street Preacher has failed.

God. It should be No.1. It’s just that the next song ate rock music, spat it out and ruined its own makers.

[8] Jesus Loves You, ‘Bow Down Mister’

Jesus Loves You

Part of Boy George’s 12-step programme, no doubt: “Create devotional dance group, throw in Hari Krishna references willy-nilly, rope Asha Bhosle in for authenticity – hey presto, you’re clean! At least for a bit.”

A ludicrous record, obviously, but so full of mad ideas and uplifting chords that you have to cherish it. I’d say the Jesus Loves You stuff was the big man’s most consistent work, and the More Protein label produced lots more good things besides. ‘Bow Down Mister’ is a ‘My Sweet Lord’ for the 90s, and God knows we all needed that, heathens that we were.

Forget raised temperatures, Junior’s hands are raised to the Lord. The rest of the time she peers around the laptop screen to smile at her dad, who’s grateful for the chance to bunk work. Sorry, work from home.

[All my vinyl rips seem to have corrupted; Top 11 mp3s to follow… later]