[1] Chris Brown featuring Benny Benassi, ‘Beautiful People’

Chris Brown

It’s not my fault, it just happened. The little worm has probably used that line too.

Anyway, I searched my conscience and found that this is a Benny Benassi record, so all good. And all good it is – I’ve not heard a record that so perfectly captures early 90s club euphoria since… since…

Read not too closely between the lines and this is deeply narcissistic, of course. Could Chris be singing about himself, kids? Isn’t he a little bit beautiful inside as well? Maybe he has rather smashing internal organs. Still, taken purely as an audio experience ‘Beautiful People’ is dashing, thrilling, direct, hangs on a superb hook and is about the only rave-synthed tune of the last five years that sidesteps a cheesy doom. Come on, it does.

All these songs are purely audio experiences for Junior. That’ll change, but right now she and her sisters can just enjoy chanting “Everywhere, everywhere…” and puzzle over how Brown can be singing both the title and the woah-ohs. We’ll discuss studio techniques another time.

Anyway, we agree on this one – “I like it the most of all the others. Bom-bom-bom [‘Super Bass’] and live your life [er, this] are *thumbs up*, the others are *middling thumbs* and *thumbs down*.” So there.

Next up, 1980 or 2002.

[5] Nicki Minaj, ‘Super Bass’

Nicki Minaj

A beautiful piece of pop for a lad who deserves it. I mean, my my my, he’s like pelican fly.

Junior sings along while doing some colouring, a good occupation when you’re listening to day-glo Nicki. She should be able to brighten up the world with her sunburst music alone, but no harm helping her along a bit.

He’s also got that boom badoom boom boom badoom boom bass.

There might’ve been a clue in the purloining of ‘No More “I Love You”s’ for ‘Your Love’, but I wasn’t expecting Minaj to get quite so sweet on someone. She wasn’t meant to make the love song for all the little girls to sing.

Like it, Junior? “Yeah, boom boom boom.”