[35] Destiny’s Child, ‘Bootylicious’

Bootylicious

No pop record has featured this much hiccuping since the imperial phase of Michael Jackson. From the ‘Eye Of The Tiger’ intro to the closing melismatic wail, Beyoncé tics and jerks through a female empowerment anthem that’s more obviously confrontational than ‘Independent Women’ and is – to me, at least, whose view COUNTS HERE – all the better for it. We could never be ready for this much jelly. How can you handle it when it slips through your fingers?

Junior says: “It’s good,” which admittedly lacks real consideration, but perhaps makes up for it with honesty. No more on the ball is her question “Are we having pudding?” when I say B’s singing about jelly.

Best bit: The “wooooo”, obviously, as we slide from intro to dirty funk.

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[8] Destiny’s Child, ‘Bootylicious’

It’s all very well asking if the girls can “handle it”, but over the thrummy bass intro from ‘Eye Of The Tiger’? It’s a bloody tall order. Kelly, Michelle and Beyoncé prove themselves at least the equal of the punishing electro rhythm, however, and punctuate the beats with a few orgasmic “urgh”s to show that they’re light years beyond their pious beginnings by now. If they seemed a little naughty on ‘Jumpin’ Jumpin’’ – the other contender for Best Destiny’s Child Single – here, they’re letting the booty hang out. And it’s licious.

Junior didn’t seem all that bothered about the whole charade, until I noticed she was kicking her legs in time under the breakfast table. Beyoncé and co would never be that demure again.

As for whether B’s body was too bootylicious – well, there was one chap who could handle it. And, hark! Who’s that about to give it 2 us?