[10] Madonna, ‘What It Feels Like For A Girl’

In which musclebound Madge tries to convince us that she’s really a sensitive little flower at Kabbalah-coddled heart, all to a sympathetic and warmly electronic soundtrack from Mark “Spike” Stent and not the marvellous Mirwais who wove such wonder into the rest of the Music album. The girl speaking at the start is Charlotte Gainsbourg (in the film adaptation of Ian McEwan’s The Cement Garden), who went on to trump anything Madonna’s done this century with her own 5.55 album in 2006. She’s been too quiet since.

Unlikely as it seems, Madonna drives home the little-girl-lost shot with some distinction. Junior sulked because she wasn’t allowed to put the CD in the brand new stereo herself, and simply sat on her little chair, swinging her legs, no doubt wondering whether Dad would ever understand.

[17] Jane Birkin & Serge Gainsbourg, ‘Je T’Aime…Moi Non Plus’

Perhaps not an ideal track to play to a two-year-old, but Junior appeared to be more embarrassed at me trying to whistle along to the organ than anything else. ‘Je T’Aime…’ isn’t brilliant, but it has a good groove and is, frankly, hilarious. What a lecherous old goat Serge was, and isn’t it splendid that this record is so tied up with its pastiches it’s become a parody of itself?

What more can we say? Some trivia: Fontana got cold feet in the less-permissive-than-reported late ‘60s and dropped the Birkin/Gainsbourg original, only to see it vault to the top of the charts on the minor Major Minor label; Birkin’s wispy voice lives on in daughter Charlotte Gainsbourg, who released a very fine solo album in 2006, aided and abetted by Jarvis Cocker and Air; Misty Oldland’s ‘A Fair Affair’ made, well, fair use of the rhythm track to shape a winning little number in 1994. It’s a gossamer-thin legacy, as quaint as the song seems now.