[10] Duran Duran, ‘Rio’

Junior stood at the coffee table, directly in front of the stereo, bobbing up and down. She fair resembled a Duranie from all those years ago, missing only the baggy trousers tucked into pixie boots, the hair sprayed outwards ‘til it was replacing the ozone layer let alone ripping through it, and the bulldozer-applied make-up. Give her five years.

This is the title track of the first album I owned, no half-shares with big sis, and it was the first song on the tape I took away to school, to play on one of those flat players with the speaker at the top. I had a single earpiece for private listening. Yes, I was at the vanguard of the hi-fi revolution.

What I’m saying is it’s a formative record for me. It’s why I wear a headband with my pastel suit, and blather interminable bullshit about cherry ice cream and how much birthdays and pretty views mean to me.

And it still has muscle and depth of sound, an odd contrast with the more cutting edge likes of Rockers Revenge. The cool dates faster than the naff.

[11] Rockers Revenge featuring Donnie Calvin, ‘Walking On Sunshine’

“Is this the most 80s record ever?” asked Junior’s mum. That brought me down to earth. I thought it was a pioneering, barnstorming, proto-electrohouse, hip-hop-referencing, technofunk floorburner. Turns out it’s as tinny as Kajagoogoo.

And that’s electro’s big problem. As groundbreaking and exciting as Arthur Baker productions and the like might have sounded back in ‘82/‘83, these days they only seem acceptable with LL Cool J droning and Jennifer Lopez caterwauling over the top. Of course, that’s not true. That record’s a travesty, but we do expect everything beefed up now. Only “zum zum zum zum zum”s seem to bestride the decades.

Contrarily, Junior danced like a maniac.