[17] Queen, ‘Radio Ga Ga’

The brainchild of the producer’s producer Trevor Horn, the Buggles took this to No.1 in 1979 and invented Daft Punk in the process. It is often derided as a novelty record, but this poignant slice of early electronica broke barriers and melted video age hearts.

Oh SORRY, Roger, was ‘Radio Ga Ga’ inspired by your baby son’s infant ramblings? Silly me. Actually, Queen go a stage further and are nostalgic for good radio, not any old radio. They update their sound with the synths, but can’t resist a typical massed clapalong. Ah, it’s ok.

I’m going to record a song based on Junior’s newfound vocabulary. Entitled ‘Radio Dada’, it will be an absurdist conceptual piece railing against the bourgeoisie and the conservatism of Magic FM.

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[13] Duran Duran, ‘Skin Trade’

Like a typical Duranie of the period, Junior was indifferent to this. There was a brief slapping of the thighs at the start, yet attention soon turned to the socks. So, what made the fans desert in their droves? I don’t think it’s a bad record even now, but it was the first to miss the Top 10 in years. Maybe it’s because it had an almost intelligible lyric.

Arcadia and the Power Station diluted the fanbase and the preceding single ‘Notorious’ scraped to No.7 on comeback power alone. A-ha had nicked the girls and the CD age had come and populated the chart’s upper reaches with the more ‘serious’ artists. The biggest bands in the country were now Dire Straits and U2. Duran Duran’s fabled mix of the Sex Pistols and Chic – without the Sex Pistols and the disco joy – wasn’t cutting the ice.

So, Simon, we’ve explained the reason for this strange behaviour. Perhaps you shouldn’t have allowed all those Taylors to jump ship, and then replaced them with AMERICANS.