slade

[17] Kasabian, ‘Bless This Acid House’

Kasabian-2017

A warm welcome for Leicester’s second finest after Riyad Mahrez who make their long-awaited Jukebox Junior debut that I thought would never come because they’re rubbish, let’s face it.

But there have always been a couple of good things about Kasabian. One is the way that Tom Meighan says “Isn’t that right, Serge?” after every statement he makes; the other is their position as British rock’s finest sloganeers. Any ordinary record immediately sounds more interesting when you call it ‘You’re In Love With A Psycho’. Any glam-pop knock-off is elevated by a Slade-ish chant of “She said, ‘God bless this acid house!’” This just makes me happy despite myself.

“I think if people are drowsy, this makes them hyper,” is the astute verdict from Junior 2. Big sister and original Jukebox Junior is pulling a ‘rock’ face and doing a Jagger-esque chickenhead, neatly summing up the Kasabians’ slavish devotion to their rock’n’roll lineage. We’ve got their number.

[11] Fine Young Cannibals, ‘She Drives Me Crazy’

Fine Young Cannibals

Just what was stuck in Roland Gift’s throat? Maybe he’d sniffed too hard at the Like A Prayer sleeve. And what happened to this lot, anyway? The Raw & The Cooked album was the year’s most unexpected must-have, which must have made them shedloads of cash and stored up a cache of goodwill for whatever they wanted to do next. Nothing.

A catchy single, this, snaring soul, rock, pop and funk fans all at once. Junior is all of these. It was slyly released into the no-man’s land of early January – when the record buyers are sick to the back teeth of Cliff and Slade, and will even propel a sub-par washed-up Duran Duran single into the Top 10 – and what do you know, the first memorable hit of the year.

As Junior bounced her chair along the floorboards, I had a gander at the tracklist for the R&TC. It reminded me of Jukebox Junior Theory 2c: no one makes tightly-edited, quality-controlled, filler-free 10-track albums anymore. We’re assailed with “added value”, bonus tracks, unfunny skits and will-this-do?-isms, and it’s all a load of crap.

Am I right?

[17] Oasis, ‘Some Might Say’

So we come to Oasis’ last good single (don’t give me that ‘Wonderwall’ rubbish). A great tune, some – gasp – modern audio effects, a stirring chorus, the usual Noel guff in the lyrics. I read an interview with him last year, where he spoke with wonder about the fans who “understand lyrics I don’t even know the meaning of. ‘Stand up beside the fireplace, take that look from off your face’, what’s that all about? Even I don’t know!” Of course you don’t, Noel. You just threw your magnetic poetry set up in the air again.

Junior insists on standing up on her mum’s lap for this. We already know she likes the rock, and in her bell-bottomed flowery denim dungarees she looks the part. Well, she looks like a Slade fan, but what’s the difference? She pats her thighs and bends her knees with the rhythm.

‘The Hindu Times’ was very sort of ok, I suppose, but really, that bird has flown.