[13] Oasis, ‘Cigarettes & Alcohol’

For all his habitual recourse to magnetic poetry set gobbledigook, Noel did once have a knack for connecting with the nail. To start off a song called ‘Cigarettes & Alcohol’ with the line “Is it my imagination, or have we finally found something worth living for?” takes a special kind of understanding of a mindset most of us have found ourselves in at some point or other. That the whole concept is pulled off with massive T. Rex riff steals and a vocal of absolute dunderheaded belief from the mighty Liam only underlines its gauche brilliance.

Junior misheard the title: “Are they in a hole?” Well, yes, usually – ha ha ha. It nearly works. She pulled a few snarly faces to match the raucous rock’n’roll but mainly busied herself with choosing the next records to play. “Put on the pink one [an odd special edition cover for Wham!’s The Final] first, then Girls Aloud.” I left that to Mum.

[7] Jay-Z ‘I Just Wanna Love U (Give It 2 Me)’

He was already well-enough-established by this point, largely thanks to forever soiling his legacy for a hit with the Little Orphan Annie-sponsored ‘Hard Knock Life’ back in 1998 – but now, right here, was where The Hov was riding highest: this hard-funk cut with ego on all cylinders, and The Blueprint album coming fast in the pipeline.

No diss-respect to Jay-Z’s laconic flow and easy rhyming, but the heavy lifting is handled by The Neptunes, and Pharrell Williams in particular. In 2001, before the horror of N*E*R*D’s second album, everything Williams touches is still turning gold and the descending, clipped riff and falsetto chorus are what makes ‘…Give It 2 Me’. So there.

Now, onto the Does Hip-Hop Have A Place At Glastonbury? debate…

Jokes. Junior took it easy, waiting for a good two or three minutes before clapping along to the springboard bass, bang on the rhythm. Come to think of it, I’m not sure she’s ever heard any of Noel Gallagher’s work – we can be pretty sure she won’t find much swing there.

[20] The Chemical Brothers, ‘Hey Boy Hey Girl’

The Chemical Brothers

“Dad?” Junior fixed me with one of her quizzical looks. “Didn’t we have this in the 1995 chart?”

If it ain’t broke. The Chemical Brothers picked up ‘Leave Home’, dusted it off, souped it up with bleeps and sirens and punted it back out to an unsuspecting public. They would never have got away with it if “Superstar DJs, here we go!” didn’t sound so exciting in its hoary old way.

Junior really was agog for the first minute or two, no doubt speechless that anyone could show such brazen cheek rejigging their own records. Although, if she wants bare-faced idle chancing, she wants to hear the songs they did with Noel Gallagher.

Better not. Someone would only go and alert the Social.

They’d come round here with their dark wood interiors, beans on toast and flawless jukebox.

[16] The Chemical Brothers, ‘Leave Home’

When this came out, I thought I was hearing the future of music. Now that the Lo-Fidelity Allstars bestride the globe, I see that I was correct. 

Oh, come on. Fatboy Slim was quite successful.

One of the loudest records I own, this. The 12” was jumping all over the shop this morning though, so I had to dig out the Greatest Hits CD where this track doesn’t have quite the same punch. The block rockin’ beats still had Junior leaping about (with assistance, natch). She could see a future where techno and hip-hop link arms and breakdance to a Special K-fuelled tomorrow.

I think Noel Gallagher ruined The Chemical Brothers too – “How does it feel like..?” The rap sheet extends.

[17] Oasis, ‘Some Might Say’

So we come to Oasis’ last good single (don’t give me that ‘Wonderwall’ rubbish). A great tune, some – gasp – modern audio effects, a stirring chorus, the usual Noel guff in the lyrics. I read an interview with him last year, where he spoke with wonder about the fans who “understand lyrics I don’t even know the meaning of. ‘Stand up beside the fireplace, take that look from off your face’, what’s that all about? Even I don’t know!” Of course you don’t, Noel. You just threw your magnetic poetry set up in the air again.

Junior insists on standing up on her mum’s lap for this. We already know she likes the rock, and in her bell-bottomed flowery denim dungarees she looks the part. Well, she looks like a Slade fan, but what’s the difference? She pats her thighs and bends her knees with the rhythm.

‘The Hindu Times’ was very sort of ok, I suppose, but really, that bird has flown.