t rex

[11] T. Rex, ‘Metal Guru’

T. Rex

What was No.1 when you were born? And does it say the smallest thing to you about your life? When you found out, presumably many years later, did you warm to the song, did it all make sense? Junior had that godawful Elton meets 2Pac’s corpse mawkfest. Let’s hope she’s never exposed to it again.

We talked about it here, but thankfully any memories were drowned by ‘Metal Guru”s eerie wail and glam vamp, a Wall of Sleazy Sound that seemed to unsettle Junior for a moment. It does disorientate. It’s a technicolour yawn made, er, audio. Although there’s no ‘Get It On’ funky steel to it, its banshee chug just edges out the slinky ‘Children Of The Revolution’ and kooky ‘Telegram Sam’ in the sprint for best T. Rex single of the year.

But I’m biased.

[25] Cornershop, ‘Lessons Learned From Rocky I To Rocky III’

Lessons Learned From Rocky I To Rocky III

Here’s a word to the wise, pop pickers: after years of toil, don’t have a massive hit. The pop kids only want you for your Norman Cook-remixed body, and your abandoned friends will never feel the same way about you again. More’s the pity, because there was more to come. ‘Lessons Learned…’ would have been as high as No.26 here on the strength of its title alone; it’s bumped up a place to 25 because it’s buttoned-down brilliant. Tjinder Singh’s spiky, quotable lyrics set to a royal stagecoach of a riff make this the best T. Rex record in 30 years (sorry, Supergrass).

Junior says: “Moving my shoulders like this makes my drawing zig-zaggy.” Well, quite.

Best bit: DING-DING-DING-DING.

[13] Oasis, ‘Cigarettes & Alcohol’

For all his habitual recourse to magnetic poetry set gobbledigook, Noel did once have a knack for connecting with the nail. To start off a song called ‘Cigarettes & Alcohol’ with the line “Is it my imagination, or have we finally found something worth living for?” takes a special kind of understanding of a mindset most of us have found ourselves in at some point or other. That the whole concept is pulled off with massive T. Rex riff steals and a vocal of absolute dunderheaded belief from the mighty Liam only underlines its gauche brilliance.

Junior misheard the title: “Are they in a hole?” Well, yes, usually – ha ha ha. It nearly works. She pulled a few snarly faces to match the raucous rock’n’roll but mainly busied herself with choosing the next records to play. “Put on the pink one [an odd special edition cover for Wham!’s The Final] first, then Girls Aloud.” I left that to Mum.