top 20 singles

[15] Cornershop featuring Bubbley Kaur, ‘Don’t Shake It (Let It Free)’

Cornershop featuring Bubbley Kaur

Bubbley meets Jimmy Webb on Sesame Street.

That’s about the size of it, that irresistible thought. Cornershop returned this year with a lovely album rooted in friendly funk and Punjabi lyrics I don’t understand. There is nothing bad about The Double ‘O’ Groove Of – unless it’s a 10-song celebration of George Osborne’s dynamic economic skills and the joys of drowning kittens. I don’t know, I don’t understand.

Junior cuts to the chase: “Is she Indian?” She doesn’t stick around for the answer; just plays ring-a-roses with her sisters before finishing with the splits.

[16] Nicola Roberts, ‘Beat Of My Drum’

Nicola Roberts

From the steampunk intro (“I like the start”) to the little synth wiggle (“I like that bit”) to full recognition at the bridge (“Oh, I LOVE this song”), ‘Beat Of My Drum’ pushes Junior’s buttons. She has hand signals (polite ones) for each letter of the chorus and even past the point of attention she’s still mouthing the words as she sketches a picture of Ben and Holly.

So we’re pleased with Nicola’s ‘Freedom 90’. Sure, there’s a scent of ‘We Are Your Friends’ but I’m in no mood to give Simian Mobile Disco any credit after those run-of-the-boring-mill albums and James Ford’s stewardship of those crappy Arctic Monkeys records. So there. It’s unfair, yeah, but so is life. That’s why this squiggling flash of pop magnificence got to No.27 in a land where Taio Cruz has had two – count ’em, TWO – No.1 singles. Doubleyou. Tee. Eff. Questionmark.

[17] Maroon 5 featuring Christina Aguilera, ‘Moves Like Jagger’

Now this one’s all about ESP. Junior has her own special routine for this, a kind of backwards chicken dance that involves swinging her elbows behind her then bringing them forward in a clap. It’s either that gauche chap in the opening credits to The Young Doctors or it’s uncannily Jagger, and she’s not even seen the video. I can only assume it’s some freaky spiritual dancing osmosis from learning ballet at Dartford Grammar School’s Mick Jagger Centre. Seems plausible.

They’re a bit plain, aren’t they, Maroon 5? Adam Levine’s an ultra-buff Mick Hucknall leading an anonymous Simply Reddish collection of assured nobodies, turning out sleek germ-free pop-soul you can admire but never love. Um, except Simply Red are light years better, but the cold-eyed professionalism’s there anyway. I do like this one though, obviously; it’s so… so… VIP area. Slinking about behind a velvet rope while Christina glows like an amazing neon Stevie Nicks.

[18] Purity Ring, ‘Ungirthed’

Purity Ring

To quote the great philosopher and sage Aristotle, this is dubstep’s Sweet Female Attitude. A commercial repackaging then, except for it not fuelling any commerce. All that WUB WUB BRRRR has been coaxed into a cute little ditty that has something of the Sugarcubes if they’d locked Einar in a box like they always should have.

This year’s Björk and Bragi are Megan James and Corin Roddick, who come from Edmonton (Canada, not the Tottenham Ikea), and have some sort of shared history in fringed and floral electropop bands. James’s hiccuping vocals carve a bubbly tune out of Roddick’s popping electronics and it all has the icy clarity of Chairlift. And yeah, earlyish Björk. Lovely.

Junior claims to like it without much conviction but realises it “sounds like Daddy running in the snow and bumping his bum.” Again, lovely.

[19] Cher Lloyd featuring Mike Posner, ‘With Ur Love’

Cher Lloyd

Soft, cuddly Cher. That’s not what we divvy shits signed up for. Still, it works and she keeps that fruity attitude in her vowels just in case we thought she was getting too silky. Frankly, I’d prefer some upfront rolling beats to boost the “FIGHTING… LIKE IT” bits in the verse – muscle it up, give it some brassy punch – but otherwise ‘With Ur Love’ is compact and sweet, a pop song crammed with ideas.

Junior’s pleased to see it beat Surkin: “This gets *thumbs up*. The one before gets *thumbs down*. I like the sound.” Mind you, Junior 2 says, “I don’t like this one, I like the one when we went to swimming.” If you don’t know what she’s talking about, you weren’t there. I don’t think I was.

Quite what Posner’s doing there though, I’m not sure. “First date, first base, second date, second base, third date… heeheehee…” Heeheehee? HEEHEEHEE? The least we expect is “third date, hefty kick to the balls from a size 5 Reebok hi-top”. Sort it out, Cher.

[20] Surkin, ‘Ultra Light’

Surkin

PEOPLE OFTEN ASK ME, who chooses the year-end Top 20s – you or Junior? Well, there’s a long and a short answer to this. Short answer: me. Long answer: Junior’s getting more influential because she’s fast becoming the captain of the stereo, but no, really, it’s me.

That’s how young Gallic techno revivalist Surkin can sit pretty in the Top 20 of the year without Junior really liking him. I should know, I asked, and all I got in return was a shrug. Which goes some way to enforcing a French stereotype but isn’t a ringing endorsement for a banging retread of some jumping house that sounds like it comes from a time when I was young enough not to put my back out to it.

Don’t worry, there’s plenty of six-year-old-friendly pop to come in the final 19. You know this place.

1991 Top 20 Singles

That’s what we’re doing at the moment, spending a couple of weeks transferring the 1991 Top 20 Singles from the old blog. Click on that link back there, and we’ll return to the front page with the 2010 countdown at the end of the month. Triffic.

1972 Top 20 Singles

We’re back. So soon. I wanted to give Junior a few months’ break after all that intensive listening and arduous holding-up of records, but she already misses the breakfast song.

So – if you’ll have us – we’ll be back next week in September, reliving 1972. You didn’t live it the first time round? What is this, kids’ day out? One change: Junior doesn’t want to wave singles for the camera anymore. Something had to give.

The Top 50 Best Singles of the 00s

Yeah, everyone else has done theirs already, but we like to think we’ve taken extra care over our chart. We haven’t been lazy. Nearly there now. Might even start tomorrow. Or Friday. Definitely Friday. Definitely not next week.

A note from our editors: we have reserved the right to utterly – and unabashedly – renege on previous opinions. Like, you know, the No.16 single from 2006 might be in it while the No.3 isn’t. Feelings CHANGE, man, and sometimes we may have been wrong. OK, not wrong as such – overcome by the vapours, maybe.

See you then.

UPDATED UPDATE: Monday, then. Monday the 1st. Let’s stick to something we can manage. All my proper work will be done and the full chart will be worked out, not just guessed. Ho hum. Anyone still reading?

[1] Neneh Cherry, ‘Buffalo Stance’

Gigolo. Huh. Sucker.

La Cherry burst on to the scene, all pregnant earth mother horsing around on Top Of The Pops. She was bold, beautiful and the hippest thing since sliced Furious Five. She invented Massive Attack, Sugababes and Betty Boo. She called the unborn girl Tyson, a green light to idiot Beckhams everywhere, and made Bomb The Bass rock the place. Yeah, you’ll remember I explicitly referenced this song right back at No.20. You should’ve known.

Difficult to call, this. I mean, does everyone realise it’s a stone cold genre-busting phat classic? It’s a cool pop record with a surprise around every corner and faultless cred, erm, credentials. Neneh annoyed the pants off people, sure, but that’s what comes of being an outré risqué locomotive.

As for Junior, it shut her up. She was bellowing along the South Circular after Catford, so her mum shoved in the Cherry and it silenced her in seconds. Awe. Or. Or it was so loud, Junior’s mum couldn’t hear the young lady anymore. Either way, result.