Rolf Harris, ‘Jake The Peg’

Rolf Harris

A renaissance man – painter, singer, writer, comedian, TV presenter, wobble board pioneer – Rolf bestrides post-war culture like a bearded colossus, the Ayers Rock of the art world, the panting Rolfaroo of blocky strokes and sad/absurd songs. See what I did there? I anointed Rolf the antipodean Zelig of modern artistic advance. Always twinkling in the fabric, twitching the curtains of the global stage.

Rolf’s way is to find the poignant in the ridiculous – or vice versa – from Jake’s God-given travails to Miss Given’s usually ignored presence in ‘Stairway To Heaven’. He walks a fine line, but he has Kate Bush’s trust (I can just hear him against a backdrop of falling snowflakes, can’t you?) and can still make a grown man cry with ‘Two Little Boys’, a pair of facts that buys him a pass to mess about all he likes and remain a respected figure even as he emotes over a poorly chinchilla on a vet’s operating table.

His wily reach spans generations, with ‘Jake The Peg’ enjoying a canonical place in our home decades after it was recorded. It’s the first track on Hello Children Everywhere!, a 3-CD compendium of Children’s Hour classics that pulls in moth-eared but magnificent turns from Pinky and Perky, Flanders and Swann, Morecambe and Wise and other non-duo based acts. Such sustained quality, and kids today get Mr Tumble. Or, just as often in my house, Rihanna.

‘Jake The Peg’ prompts enthusiastic singing and dancing – surely another skill Rolf can master – and, from Junior alone, a lot of awkward walking about using a child-sized broom as an extra leg. “Can I touch your leg?” asks Junior 2, in a rather forward manner. Her comic timing’s great but it doesn’t quite match Rolf’s delayed pay-offs, the rhymes you can see a mile off yet they still slay you when they drop. I’m laughing; Junior’s now tap dancing, her peg leg an Astairesque cane.

…2, 3, 4…8, 9, 10…14…19, 20, 21… … to twenty-five!”

The Saturdays, ‘Notorious’

The Saturdays

In the leading pack of life’s crushing disappointments is the discovery that the default hottest girl group in the land’s new single is not a cover of Duran Duran’s brilliantly lumpenly funky quasi-career-killer. Mollie could’ve done a “No-“, then Rochelle could’ve done a “No-“, then Frankie, Una and the other one could’ve joined reedy forces on “NOTORIOUS”, and it could’ve all descended into Chic meets the Sex Pistols meets Red Hot Chili Peppers chaos. Just look at what you could’ve won.

Instead, “My résumé says I’m a bad girl”. It’s no “Who really gives a damn for a flaky bandit?”, is it? Where it pulls it out of the fire though is with the fruity electro pulse and vocals put through the ringer – it’s mechanised. The Saturdays are only bad girls, notorious, because they’ve been programmed to be so. It’s svengali’d by computer, a Space Odyssey Malcolm McLaren. Not a terribly wholesome, erm, whole but a functional thrill.

It’s brought here by mistake, the lucky conjunction of the girls appearing on So You Think You Can Dance? and Junior and I happening to be watching it. While I continued my ongoing study of career trajectories of girl groups, Junior copied every single dance move they made. One beat behind, but accurately. Recent clips from Rihanna and Lady Gaga have got me in a panic about just how knowing young girls can get. They sponge it up. Normally – to the odd sulky “awww” – I’d switch over, but there’s little overtly sexualised about The Saturdays’ robotic choreography. Thin end of the wedge though.

Miracle Fortress, ‘Miscalculations’

Miracle Fortress

In Rainbows and Sound Of Silver were all well and good, but the best album of 2007 was, of course, Miracle Fortress’s Five Roses. The Canadian Prince Rogers Nelson – as no one has called him until now – Graham Van Pelt did it all himself, lovingly concocting a modern Beach Boys album set to shimmering bucolia (you know what I mean, sounds like a heat-hazed summer meadow) with, improbably, a devastating hook in every song. It was almost too perfect to sell. So it didn’t.

Four long years later, only endured by playing Five Roses at least once a week, Van Pelt is back with a new album Was I The Wave? that looks set to make a mockery of Adele’s chart feats. It’s a rather more electronic affair that I’ll be reviewing for millions of pounds in the next day or so, and ‘Miscalculations’ is the killer single. Actually, ‘Raw Spectacle”s the single – or “free download”, to give it its accurate title – but Van Pelt should see sense soon enough. You see, it had Junior doing a spontaneous hula dance which, as we’ve seen over the last five years, is the interpretive equivalent of holding up a card marked ‘Hit’. And about as successful as Jukebox Jury predictions ever were too. Hit!

Katy B, ‘Broken Record’

Katy B

Not her greatest single but her latest single – and we’re all about the new here at Jukebox Junior. Notwithstanding 90% of the time, when we’re offering well-worn observations about Duran Duran. Katy B speaks to us though, managing to be both pop and cosily innovative, her debut album a uniformly good collection of memorable songs and intriguing beats. It sounds an easy formula, but it’s all too rare that an artist scores that eureka. Robyn failed the test on any of last year’s Body Talks. She did. I don’t know if Miss B racks up the high points to match, but – like I say – uniformly good.

Junior bobs obediently, then perks right up for ‘Lights On’ straight after; “I like this one better.” That’s OK though, isn’t it? ‘Lights On’ is the better whole, but the pattering rush into ‘Broken Record”s final chorus is pretty ace. Like most of the album, it jacks your body whether you let it or not.

Glee Cast, ‘Don’t Stop Believin”

Rachel off of Glee

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing callow record buyers that those Top of The Pops compilations were the real deal. I was duped once – but only once – when I sifted the sales racks in WHSmith and found an LP of glittering pop hits by (and the memory might be fuzzy here) the likes of “The Jam”, “Soft Cell” and “XTC”, for just two quid! A bargain even before you factor in the laughing lady with the Farrah Fawcett hairdo, pulling a t-shirt down over a bare bottom half. I already had a sharp ear back then and it took me one intro to realise there was something fishy about this album. A bit of further investigation, and I never played it again.

I’m sure a relisten now would reveal ample competence on the part of the session players, but no bite, no star quality. Like I say, you fall for it once.

Or we all fall for it all over again. At least Glee’s brazen about it, but still their covers – despite extraordinary production values and belting performances – lack the edge of the originals; after all, they’re not trying to reinvent the wheel. The thing about ‘Don’t Stop Believin” though, is, for once, it sounds like a different song from Journey’s teasing anthem. The a cappella ‘pianos’, the girl/boy exchange, even the relative brevity make a successful pure pop transformation.

Why talk about it now? Junior requested it: “This is my favourite.” “I like it too,” piped three-year-old sister, and they do both have an alarming handle on the lyrics. And a routine. Sometimes I question the wisdom of working full-time and leaving my daughters at the mercy of a mum who’s determined to indoctrinate them in all manner of apple pie pop culture. Then I realise it’s ace.

But again, why talk about it now? The Music Diary Project revealed that I don’t share music enough. A good 90% of my listening is through earphones on a commute, and while that’s great for wallowing in my favourites and discovering new stuff without distracting input, half the fun of music is communal experience – talking about it, listening together, arguing, preaching and, yeah, dancing like loons. That’s why I started Jukebox Junior. I need to find more time.

The Music Diary Project: Day 7

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Top Of The Pops April 1976 was on when we bowled in. My memory is hazy, but I’m excited about the repeats.

0936-0954

Los Campesinos!: You! Me! Dancing!
Thomas Dybdahl: Rise In Shame
Elvis Presley: Jailhouse Rock
Alexis Jordan: Good Girl
Pet Shop Boys: King’s Cross

A mix of iPod randomness and what’s playing upstairs (Alexis Jordan) as I wash up, sweep up and generally prettify a house free of the small daughters who stayed at their grandparents while we attended a rare party. Everything makes me feel fresher than I have a right to be.

1035-1055

Ke$ha: We R Who We R
Mike Posner: Cooler Than Me
Jessie J: Price Tag
Florence + The Machine: You Got The Love (awful remix that prompts a change of station)
Wiz Khalifa: Black & Yellow
Bruno Mars: Grenade

Pop sunshine in the car on the way to get the family.

1208-1255

Jessie J: Do It Like A Dude
Lady Gaga: Born This Way mashed up with When Love Takes Over and – ahem – Express Yourself
Wretch 32: Unorthodox
Beyoncé: Sweet Dreams
Various Artists: Pete Waterman Hit Factory

A mix of Kiss and Capital on the road to Scotney Castle for the day, then the Pete Waterman CD I inexplicably brought along. Well, fairly explicably – I thought it might entertain the girls, but they were sleeping off generously late bedtimes at their grandparents’. In the front, we sang along instead. Most enjoyable: Mel & Kim’s ‘Respectable’, followed by Bananarama’s ‘Venus.

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Various Artists: Pete Waterman Hit Factory
Various Artists: 50 Years Of The Greatest Hit Singles

More Pete Waterman-associated (loosely, by the looks) faves, including ‘Pass The Dutchie’ and Opus III’s ‘It’s A Fine Day’, which accelerated a change of CD. The 50 Years comp is a Guinness Book Of British Hit Singles-sponsored collection of perennials, and it saw us all going Wayne’s World to ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’. We’re unembarrassable.

And that was it. The last few hours of the week was dedicated to getting children in bed and attempting to stay awake for Waking The Dead. After 15 mins of that, we admitted defeat.

I might draw conclusions from the last seven days’ listening at some stage. Cheers.

The Music Diary Project: Day 6
The Music Diary Project: Day 5
The Music Diary Project: Day 4
The Music Diary Project: Day 3
The Music Diary Project: Day 2
The Music Diary Project: Day 1

The Music Diary Project: Day 6

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B.o.B apparently: Something something something right now
Primal Scream: Screamadelica

Junior is wearing her Screamadelica t-shirt. The problem with this album is everyone keeps trying to get up from the breakfast table to dance.

Some wretched Eminem track
Kanye West, Rihanna etc: All Of The Lights

I’m done with Eminem, and Kanye’s album hasn’t stayed with me like I thought it would.

Everything Everything: Final Form
John Lennon: Imagine
Electric Light Orchestra: Mr Blue Sky

Three songs for the trip to Bluewater. A least we enter the shopping centre in springy mood.

1140-1155

Lady Gaga: Born This Way
Taio Cruz: Dynamite

The girls know most of the words to both. They can keep them.

1215-1250

Polock: Getting Down From The Trees

I’m reviewing this, and like some of it very much. Really appealing, sunshine, Phoenixy pop. A lot of the rest just wafts by in a surfeit of good vibes. The girls shake their shoulders a bit.

1400-1413

Beyoncé feat. Jay-Z: Crazy In Love
Far East Movement: Like A G6
Aaliyah: More Than A Woman

Whatever I think of her own music – and it’s not much – Jessie J has decent enough taste. Three songs from her Hip Pop Top 50 before we head back to the sun.

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An array of Party Tunes for Thirtysomethings at a celebration for a wedding that took place in New Zealand six weeks ago. The creaky classics included stuff by LCD Soundsystem, Blondie, Hot Chip, Pet Shop Boys and much more that the champagne and Becks Vier has made me forget.

The Music Diary Project: Day 5
The Music Diary Project: Day 4
The Music Diary Project: Day 3
The Music Diary Project: Day 2
The Music Diary Project: Day 1

The Music Diary Project: Day 5

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Nicole Scherzinger: Poison
JLS feat. Tinie Tempah: Eyes Wide Shut

It’s 4Music time again, and these two bookended my shower. I’ve got time for Scherzinger, and not just because she’s devastatingly attractive. She seems to have a bit of wit about her and the odd banally catchy tune. JLS are a big hit with Junior 2, who appears to know the words. God knows what happens when I’m at work.

0800-0920

Will Young: Leave Right Now
Lewis Parker: Masquerades & Silhouettes
Jim O’Rourke: Eureka

Alex Needham’s thoughts on ‘Leave Right Now’ in the Guardian this morning chime with mine, so I had a hankering to hear it as I settled in on the train. After that, well – I had too many pints with my brother last night and today I’m not capable of thought, so I scrolled through and picked the first unthreatening album. Lewis Parker’s crazy jedi hip hop fits the bill. It’s relaxed and mysterious. Jim O’Rourke’s ‘Ghost Ship In A Storm’ is a great soundtrack for a sun-dappled stroll down Hammersmith Road. One to remember, should you be there.

1055-1150

An office Spotify playlist including Zero 7, Groove Armada, Corinne Bailey Rae, Jose Gonzalez and many more that won’t scare the horses. Hmm.

1150-1205

Girls Aloud: Biology
The Roots: The Seed 2.0
New Radicals: You Get What You Give

A dabble in the blog archives, always guaranteeing songs I like – but no surprises, naturally.

1208-1214

R.E.M.: Man On The Moon
Kelis: Sugar Honey Iced Tea
Al Green: Let’s Stay Together

More office playlist. It’s four desks away, quite quiet, and isn’t inspiring me.

1214-1256

The Sundays: Can’t Be Sure
Janelle Monae: Tightrope
Delays: Long Time Coming
Buggles: Video Killed The Radio Star
Jamelia: Thank You
Animal Collective: My Girls
Young MC: Know How
Underworld: Cowgirl

More from the blog. ‘Cowgirl’ never gets old.

1351-1414

Dionne Farris: Hopeless
En Vogue: Love Makes You Do Thangs
Maxwell: Love You
Janelle Monae: Locked Inside
Stevie Wonder: Big Brother

My additions to the office playlist. If it’s going to be soft, it might as well be soul. Or knock-offs thereof.

1435-1518

Keren Ann: 101

This is good.

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Paul Simon: You Can Call Me Al

I might listen to this a few times on the bounce, song for all occasions that it is.

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The Cure: Lovesong

The Adele phenomenon irks me. She’s a fabulous singer, but the songs are bilge.

1840-1916

The Horrors: Primary Colours

A beast of a record. It played on loop in my car for most of 2009, but this time I’m on a train, beaming madly at the fat riffs.

The Music Diary Project: Day 4
The Music Diary Project: Day 3
The Music Diary Project: Day 2
The Music Diary Project: Day 1

The Music Diary Project: Day 4

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Lady Gaga: Born This Way
Ke$ha: We R Who We R
The Saturdays: Higher

The shrill telly soundtrack to getting the girls dressed before I had my shower. Junior 1 was complaining her school socks didn’t match, Junior 2 was turning the house upside down looking for her glasses and Junior 3 was throwing all the books down the stairs.

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Glen Campbell: Guess I’m Dumb
Van Dyke Parks: Sweet Trinidad
Todd Rundgren: I Saw The Light
The Supremes: Come See About Me
Marshall Hain: Dancing In The City
James Taylor: Carolina In My Mind
The Isley Brothers: That Lady (Part 1 & 2)
Van Morrison: Domino
Al Green: Sha La La (Make Me Happy)
Bob Dylan: Quinn The Eskimo
Stevie Wonder: Big Brother
Steely Dan: My Old School
The Beach Boys: All This Is That
Cat Stevens: Morning Has Broken
The Chiffons: One Fine Day
The Impressions: People Get Ready
The Honeys: Shoot The Curl
The Four Seasons: Who Loves You
Curtis Mayfield: The Makings Of You
Diana Ross & The Supremes: Someday We’ll Be Together
The Rolling Stones: Sweet Virginia
Sharon Marie: Thinkin’ ‘Bout You Baby
Scott Walker: Copenhagen
Paul Simon: Mother And Child Reunion
Paul & Linda McCartney: Maybe I’m Amazed

This playlist for a warm, upright, delayed commute is called No Jacket Required. Every long second passed like a breeze. Book: it’s still The Time Traveler’s Wife.

1202-1255

Ghostface Killah: Supreme Clientele

It’s Wu-Tang Week on Jukebox Junior FM. This album is of course immense and crisp sounds work well in the shiny new enormous meeja office.

1559-1740

David Bowie: Station To Station

Twitter reveals the Esquire office is arguing about the best Bowie album. I don’t know the answer, but this is the last one I bought; that 3-CD deluxe reissue. Beautiful stuff, here on Thin White Jukebox Junior.

More ear balm as it happens.

The Music Diary Project: Day 3
The Music Diary Project: Day 2
The Music Diary Project: Day 1

The Music Diary Project: Day 3

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Brandy & Monica: The Boy Is Mine
Cassie: Is It You
R Kelly: Ignition (Remix)
Phyllis Nelson: Move Closer
Missy Elliott: Work It
Lake Heartbeat: Pipedream
Kraftwerk: Trans Europe Express
Kisses: Bermuda
Kid Sister: Daydreaming
Kelis: Good Stuff
Marcel King: Reach For Love
The Weeknd: House Of Balloons/Glass Table Girls
Whitney Houston: It’s Not Right But It’s Okay
Tom Tom Club: Genius Of Love
TLC: Waterfalls
Terry Lynn: Rivers Of Babylon
Ten City: That’s The Way Love Is (Underground Extended Mix)
Talizman: Only You
The SOS Band: Just Be Good To Me (Extended Version)
Change: Change Of Heart
Beyoncé: Ego

There’s a warm low sun as I leave the house, so I put on my Rising Sun playlist. It’s for nodding your head and tapping your fingers ostentatiously on the commute. And it’s a fantasy. I’m on holiday. A perceptible shiver for ‘Waterfalls’ and a bang of the finger on my book as the horn blasts in the middle of Left Eye’s rap.

1148-1221

Panda Bear: Tomboy

More audiograms from Panda Bear’s diving bell. Endless repetition is chiming nicely with today’s tasks. Anyway, it cut out halfway through, but I think I got the gist.

1421-1514

Britney Spears: Blackout

Prompted to listen to Britney’s robo-frug for the first time in years by an excerpt from Marcello Carlin’s forthcoming book, featured on The Quietus. This kind of hi-tech pop always sounds new, for half a decade at any rate. It’s a brain-cleanser for a dry afternoon’s work.

1525-1539

The Go! Team: Ladyflash
John Lennon: Watching The Wheels
Passion Pit: The Reeling

One great thing about dubiously hosting songs from my annual Top 20s on this blog is, erm, the chance to listen to music. I mean, some of my favourite songs. OK, there’s no reason I can’t do this anywhere, but here I can enjoy my own context and keep pressing the random button and re-read my own writing. I don’t mind that. If I don’t agree anymore, I just don’t agree anymore.

1612-1714

Tracey Thorn: You Are A Lover (Clock Opera Remix)
Tracey Thorn: You Are A Lover (Original Mix)
Tracey Thorn: Sister Winter

Lovely EP for Record Store Day. I listened nominally for research for an interview, but at least as much to get in the mood.

Tracey Thorn: Love And Its Opposite

Further immersive research. Or just enjoyment, really.

1815-1940

RZA As Bobby Digital: Digi Snacks
Girl Unit: IRL
Girl Unit: Shade On
Girl Unit: Temple Keys
Girl Unit: Wut

Intense, claustrophobic stuff for hot, packed, hot-packed trains. Sweet.

The Music Diary Project: Day 2
The Music Diary Project: Day 1